GETTING THE LOVE YOU WANTWow. I know this book has been in print for 20 years, but I guess I wasn’t ready to read it until this weekend. And I’m glad I finally did. If you are wondering why you are attracted to particular people and what it means, this book provides some answers.

Harville Hendrix argues that we are drawn to people who manifest the positive and negative traits of our parents. Which is, of course, the good news and the bad news. While it can be challenging to deal with the negative traits, we NEED to in order to heal our childhood wounds. But alas, how? It takes a serious commitment. Although Hendrix focuses on success stories, I am sure there are plenty of people who would prefer not to invest the time and energy needed, and in some cases, they may conclude that, for other reasons, the relationship is irreparable and an equal partnership is not possible. This is not a process for the faint of heart or for people who feel “obligated.”

Although subtitled A Guide for Couples, the way this book explains how intimate partners can work through their conflicts and become stronger and more loving is absolutely relevant to single people, as well. It has given me new hope that more profound partnerships are possible, for me and all of my friends.

So much food for thought here. I am stuffed with ideas.

(PS—Many thanks to Margaret Lin for the recommendation!)


About OnlyGoodBooks

Creator of The Literacy Cookbook (, I am an educational consultant who also happens to love to read incessantly. I found myself referring friends to so many books that it seemed like time to create a blog to record all of these recommendations. So here it is.
This entry was posted in Change, Inspirational, Nonfiction, Relationships, Self-help and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to GETTING THE LOVE YOU WANT by Harville Hendrix

  1. margaret says:

    So glad you found the book insightful. I’ve got to get my copy. I started Patchett’s book today – delightful 🙂

  2. Oh! I remember reading this book in college (around 2000), when I was involved in my first serious romantic relationship. It was a revelation! And I’ve often thought back to the insights in that book as I’ve navigated subsequent relationships. It’s worth every moment spent reading.

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